Confessions of a Twitter Pimp

I am proud to be a pimp. There. I admitted it.

I pimp the blogs of fellow writers I enjoy. Look to the right. Roger, @booksbelow, is my inspiration for blogging… see Thoughts and Observations. He's in great company, so read them all. You won't be sorry.

I pimp to help @CTK1 with her seriously-tortured-blog-creation nightmare (if anyone is a Wordpress genius, please @ her and lend a hand). She’s perhaps the most famous, groovy tweeter of all time. She’ll follow you forever if you fix her theme. Um, maybe she was drunk on seriousness when she said that, so don't quote me.

I pimp websites I find via other tweeters, whether it be informative or for charity. Some may assume Twitter is a time suck, but you’d be surprised how smart and generous we all are. Speaking of… PIMP ALERT: @dannybrown, @PRCog and anyone at @12for12K. Nuff said.

I pimp to share.

I pimp because I can wear velour.

I pimp @JaneFreidman, publisher of Writer’s Digest, because she provides incredible information for writers. OK, I admit, I also pimp her because she enjoys good bourbon, which is probably why she allows herself to follow this insane, tequila-drinking writer as well as my cow-tipping vodka girls (@amiestuart, @lights_aurora, @CheekyWench, @yeah_write). But I dig her for having a great sense of humor.

I pimp dogs who are in “cutest ever” contests for @kimberlekelly http://bit.ly/o3xYm Vote! VOTE!

I pimp literary agent, @RachelleGardner not only bc her dog and I both have torn ACLs, but also because she gives the most honest advice a writer needs to hear. She’s real… and sometimes she shares her tales of burgers with firefighters. Who wouldn’t want to hear that?

I pimp specific followers information I know they’re struggling to find. If I find it, I jump with glee and pimp.

I pimp to match tweeters to tweeters who I believe will enjoy each other… or at least use as their muse. I’m thinking of creating www.pimptweetermatch.com (DON’T click that link… I just did and I do NOT want to pimp THAT!)

I pimp the Baby F(Ph)at Essay Contest @aspiringmama is having on her site: http://aspiringmama.com/?page_id=485 . It’s a genius way to vent about getting your waistline back after the “joys” of childbirth.

I play “Whip It” while I pimp, singing, “Pimp it… pimp it GOOD!”

I pimp because I have an insane need to help people. Yes, I am in therapy. I even found a pimp support group. Snoop Dog was the last guest speaker, but Kayne kept interrupting. Trust me, Snoop's not a pimp you want to cross. It wasn't pretty. Kayne now has cool braces.

Because of my pimping skillage, I am qualified to pass along a #PIMPtipoftheday. Although, I don’t do this daily unless my tidbits are ROLO-worthy.

Speaking of, I pimp ROLOs & Smarties and sometimes throw FIREBALL barrages from my candy concession stand. As a matter of fact, @mfeige has even come up with a sales pitch for FIREBALLS: “GETTYA FIRE BALL BARRAGES 'EERRE GET THEM STRONG GOOD FIRE BALL BARRAGES THEY'RE GOOD AND HOT!” I am raising the next generation Twitter pimper.

If I could pimp Eliot Spitzer’s girl, I would. She might actually make me some good pimp money.

There is an art to pimping. Think long and hard about what you're willing to put your name behind.

Above all, I do not pimp crap.

I do not pimp people who are a negative energy force in either my twitter or real worlds.

I do not pimp with any expectation of getting anything back in return except a mere, “Thank you,” and even that, I don’t expect.

I do not pimp just for the sake of pimping.

I pimp because I’m good at it.

Simply put, I pimp because it brings me joy to help people. The only thing that would make me happier is if I had a pimp robe.

Aren’t we all really pimps in our own way? We do #followfriday, RT, and cheer our Twitter friends who succeed and those who are desperately trying to. I call it “pimping,” but you may call it “being nice.” Wow, imagine that… a NICE pimp.

If you have something worthy of my pimping skillage, please @ me on Twitter or better yet, do your own Pimp Post below, especially if you need more than 140 characters. That way, you can pimp away, and I can get back to writing my grim script. Yes, I write grim. Shocking, I know. You can be certain, I’ll pimp that later.