Kicking Fear's Ass

In 2008, I gave up fear for Lent.  It changed my life forever.

Fear was paralyzing me.  I was afraid to make a decision, afraid of change, afraid of hurting people.  You name it, I was afraid of it.  I was miserable in many areas, and the one common factor blocking me from growth was fear.  So, I decided to put my fear in God’s hands and let Him hold it, allowing me to focus on the problem, not the emotion.  I trusted He’d be there and would only give me what I could handle.  It wasn’t about a religious belief, it was about finding a way, any way, to let fear go because it was not serving me, it was stopping me… it was killing me and killing my spirit.

Let me step back to the weeks leading up to Lent.  I had been training in tae kwon do for seven years.  Nine months before my black belt test, I tore my ACL in half, sparring.  I had only been back to three classes after my injury and nine-month absence when my Master declared I was to test with the other candidates in three week’s time.  I couldn’t believe his request.  Just moments before, he was fighting me, and I was crying during the fight because I was so scared of getting hurt. This injury had stolen my otherwise inspired mojo.  How could I possibly test?  I’d have to train intensely, but more importantly, I had to face my fear of fighting… and failing.  I had never been more terrified in my adult life.

I spent days searching deep in my soul to find the strength to do this.  I had two choices: cower in fear or face it.  I needed desperately to feel some sense of control.  So, for the next three weeks, I trained hard.  It became a full-time job.  My whole body ached.  I could barely get out of bed in the morning.  I got massages, put Chinese oils on my tired muscles, prayed for strength, meditated, listened to my friends words of encouragement, and let them feed me with power. 

One day, I was beating “Bob” in the basement, our heavy bag shaped like the head and trunk of man, absent appendages.  Exhausted, overwhelmed, and fighting my fear of failure, I hit him over and over… then burst into tears.  Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around “Bob” as if the armless man would hold me in return.  I held tight, releasing sobbing fear-filled tears onto his shoulder until I suddenly realized, he could not embrace me back… he could not give me the reassuring hugs I needed.  I was truly on my own.  Lightbulb.  The only person who could give me the strength I needed was me.  My mojo was being summoned. 

Even with a small bright light of hope, there was much work to do to make up for nine lost months.  I knew all the moves of the forms, I now needed to feel them, listen to my body as I blocked and punched and let the forms move through me.  I was merely a vessel for its beauty.  Fear had no room on this vessel.

I ran daily for the stamina to endure the aerobic aspect of the test, knee throbbing.  While running, I’d think about what the forms and karate meant to me.  I realized how symbolic this art form is to what I am trying to accomplish in my life, mostly finding strength, both physical and emotional.  A form is a perfect example:  It’s a fine balance of strength and grace.  With each step and movement, you show power, but at the same time, the fluidity of a dancer.  It’s the balance of male and female.  Strength and beauty.  My life goal.  When done correctly, forms are almost hypnotic to watch.  I strive to do a form the way my Master does.  When I watch him, I literally stop, my mouth drops a bit, and all I can think is, “Wow! I want that.  I want that kind of strength and grace.”

Each day, I felt a little stronger.  Each day I learned new things.  Each day I rediscovered my inner strength, until one day, I was able to wake up feeling this goal might actually be possible. 

The day before the test, I knew there was nothing further I could do to increase my odds.  Time was up.  There was no point in being afraid.  I either knew it, or I didn’t.  I had to now stop thinking, stop cramming, and just trust my body to perform.  I started to feel some of the stress leaving my shoulders, but my back still ached.  I went about my day as normally as I could, even getting a mammogram I had been putting off for six months.  Just a routine day. 

The next morning, I was making our bed, joking with my husband that either one, two or no black belts would be sleeping in it that night.  He held me, kissed my forehead and said he didn’t care.  He was proud of us for getting this far. 

The phone interrupted the moment.  It was the mammogram center.  They needed more images of my left breast to investigate a “suspicious spot.”  My husband immediately panicked.  I breathed.  I passed my fear to God and breathed.  My husband stared at me in disbelief as I spoke calmly to the woman delivering the news.  Her voice was eerily spooked… even confused.  She too was alarmed by my soft tone.  I admit, I had a moment of panic, but I was able to instantly push it out of my mind, chanting silently, “I am not afraid. I am not afraid.”  I know this sounds strange, but I truly wasn’t worried, even if it did turn out to be cancer.  I knew I could handle whatever it was.  There wasn’t an ounce of fear in me.  I was strong… at least at that moment.  That was enough to hold on to.

God was simply testing me again.  I wasn’t going to let fear rule me.  I gave it up.

So I danced all morning, literally.  I put on old disco music – Michael Jackson, Chaka Kahn, Marvin Gaye, and just danced and danced.  I was calm, smiling, and even giddy.

As my husband and I drove to the test that night, I was still rocking out in the car to Mustang Sally while he intensely focused.  We both decided that no matter what happened, we wanted to enjoy the test.  We wanted to be able to look back on the night and remember how much fun it was and not focus on the stress.

We entered Master Grant’s basement dojo smiling and ready, shaking all the black belts hands.  I stretched, put my knee brace on and then sat for a quick prayer.  As I blessed myself, I could feel tears start to well inside me.  I looked down at my injured knee, hoping it would survive the night.  I touched my left breast, hoping it would survive too.  Taking the deepest breath I could, I quickly asked God for strength and courage and sat up before allowing the tears and fear to take over. 

As we lined up for the test, my husband and I were in the front row.  The small basement was already hot with 15 black belts who were judging us, not to mention the wood stove blaring in the back.  We went through all the kicking and blocking drills one could imagine and even some I had never heard of.  Sweat poured down my back and my knee throbbed.  Condensation dripped down the windows from the heat… and it was March.

One candidate grew pale and faint. She left the dojo to get air.  The Master turned to me and growled, “Get her back in here.” I opened the door and firmly stated, “Don’t you give up!  I am not leaving you behind.”  She rejoined us, weak.

Forms went on, alternating between the six men and women candidates.  I didn’t watch anyone else… well, I did peek at my husband, but I stayed in my zone.  Closed my eyes when I was off the floor.  Stayed focused solely on what I needed to do next.  I gave every command every ounce of energy I had.  I did my forms heading straight toward the five Masters and throwing kicks and yelling out loud, with all the passion that was in me.  I never felt weak.  I never allowed myself to think about what was still ahead of me.  I forged on one form at a time, giving each move intense power.  Dead on.  Every punch, every kick was directed at fear.

My biggest fear of the test was fighting and fully tearing the half an ACL I had left.  There were two Masters I was most afraid of: Master Baccognia, a 6ft 8in 6^th degree whose reach and speed were that of a cheetah, and Master Kazinski, a 5^th degree, strong-as-hell, built-like-a-brick-house prison guard.  Guess who I had to fight?  Yep.  Both of them.  I thought the mammogram scare was enough, but God had other plans.  He wasn’t done testing me that day.  Master Kazinski’s gaze pierced through me, but I looked him in the eye with my best Dirty Harry glare and went at it.  It was intense, he didn’t hold back, kicking, hitting, slamming, but as I went, I was determined to block as much as I could, and get off something… and I did.  I landed a powerful kick, dead on target.  Later, he told me he threw a punch to my head he was convinced would nail me and somehow I avoided the hit.  He wanted to know how.  I didn’t remember it.  Someone else said, “She ducked.”  Guess my body did know what to do. 

Then I fought Master Baccognia, who nailed me multiple times in the head.  Let me say, my 5ft 3in frame is no match for that guy.  I might as well have been a Lollipop kid. Instead of quitting, I dodged, took the punches, and even got some good moves in.  Two days later, my cheekbones still hurt from the blows.

The very last task of the 2½-hour test was board breaking.  My only option was to use my bad leg for the sidekick.  I lined up, took a slow, deep breath, stared those boards down like they were my enemy and went for it.  I busted through all four in the first shot. 

The test was over.  A rush came over me.  Even if I hadn’t passed the Master’s test, I had passed my own test of inner strength.  But yes, I was promoted.  After the new black belts changed, I was the first one back in the dojo and literally skipped in.  As he watched my smiling, skipping, giddiness, Master Baccognia turned to my direct Master, Master Jones, and said, “I don’t remember that move, did you teach her that?”  Everyone laughed. 

When pictures were done, the Masters approached with congratulations, saying my injury never showed.  One even confessed he literally gasped watching me do forms and thought, “COOL!”  To me, that meant more than the belt itself.

What an incredible feeling.  The best thing I can compare it to is childbirth.  Pride.  Joy.  Excitement.  Anxiety.  Amazement my body could actually do it.  I birthed a new woman that night: A f’ing black belt goddess!  She would never have been born if I had not faced my fears.

One week later, I went for my repeat mammogram.  I noticed the pink robe tied in exactly the manner my karate uniform did.  I smiled, went into the room and told the technician, “Show me this spot and let’s kick its ass.”  I was not afraid.  She was floored how composed I was.  I explained fear had kept me from making important decisions in my life, and I could no longer afford to cower to it… especially if I had cancer.  Her eyes welled with tears.  Apparently, she was having a terrifying day of her own. 

As I left, this scared, shaking technician hugged me, thanking me for teaching her she alone had the power over her own destiny and emotions.  I’ll never forget that day.  She said, “I will have hope to survive today and hope that tomorrow will be better.”

Hope kicks fears ass.

I am now a second-degree black belt who is both cancer and fear free.

Courage is fear holding on a minute longer.  – George S. Patton

note: the Masters are in the back row, standing. Master J, Master C, Master G, Master K, Master M, and Master B.

TweetsGiving: What I Am Thankful For

Giving thanks. Some years, it’s easier to identify what I am thankful for than others. However, a crap storm has barraged my life the past few weeks, making each day a struggle. I’ve questioned my sanity, my goals, my writing, my perspectives, and even my character. I’ve been in survival mode. I’ve lost focus, specifically in my writing. Contemplating what I’m thankful for has been the last thing on my mind.

Yet, here I sit, pondering the notion of pushing aside the above-mentioned crap, and seeing the big picture. Right now, I’m thankful for Tina, @CTK1, for inviting me to participate in TweetsGiving. Perspective is precisely what I need.

What am I thankful for? Without a doubt, I’m thankful for the obvious blessings: health, family, friends... and my therapist. But this year, I’m most thankful for the lessons I’ve learned in my life, especially in my writing. Being open to those lessons, even in times of great sorrow and pain, is the key to growth and learning.

Through my words, I have moved people to tears, to laughter, and yes, to anger… anger directed at me for daring to write naked. I have apologized and defended, even taking down one blog post, but refusing to take down others. But in all of this, I owned when I was wrong, tried to rectify it, and most importantly, learned critical lessons.

Many of my Twitter writers felt my angst these past weeks. As I slowly peeled away the layers of pain from having censored myself, they rallied around me, sending hugs, kisses, and even chocolate tweets as salves. They encouraged me to write without fear and to stay true to my words. They provided me with perspective, compassion and love. They pulled off the duct tape I had placed across my mouth. I am forever thankful for my posse of insane writers who understand the pain of censorship the way no family member could.

I am thankful for the people who question not only my motives, but also me. I am thankful for the people who have honored my words, enjoyed them, and shared them with friends. I am thankful for having the ability to swell emotions in my readers’ hearts. I am even thankful for pissing them off, whether I am right or wrong. Above all, I am thankful people read my words. I am humbled by the power they have.

Writing naked is an enormous responsibility. Sometimes, one must be a mercenary… a hard lesson for a disease-to-pleaser like me.

So when you’re barraged with a crap storm of your own, remember to plug your nose and dive in. The sting will seep in your eyes, your nose, your throat, but feel it… let it in. Once you push past the pain, you will find light and lessons. Every crap storm has a lesson… if you dare to stick your head in deep enough. Above all, be thankful for the opportunity to grow.

Please click on the TweetsGiving donation link below and unleash your gratitude.

This post was created as part of a global groundswell of gratitude called TweetsGiving. In conjunction with 12For12K, this celebration, created by US nonprofit Epic Change is an experiment in social innovation that seeks to change the world through the power of gratitude.

Join us http://tweetsgiving.epicchange.org/

Who Do You Attract?

Saturday morning, September 5, 2009. As I pulled my weary body out of bed, I reached for my cell, finding a stream of unopened emails. I scrolled down, reading, “Call me when you get this.” My heart sank. I didn’t need to dial the numbers to know Sharon was dead.

I met Sharon in elementary school. I couldn’t have been more than six or seven. She had a strong personality, even as a child. Stubborn. Knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to ask for it. Two years ago, her brother called to deliver the news of her ALS, more commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s disease. She was 44 and mother of three. Sadly, life as working mothers had forced us to lose touch, absent the occasional Christmas card or accidental meeting. But despite that, she wanted me to know.

Even though I hadn’t seen her in six years, her smile greeted me with all the warmth of someone I saw every day. Only months after her diagnosis, she was already dependant on a walker. Despite the obvious decline, denial was everywhere. We didn’t broach the subject of her disease or what it meant. I simply cleaned her kitchen, made her laugh as much as possible and played with her young children. As we talked for hours, catching up on our lives, I puttered about her house, being her arms and legs to do her bidding. The joy of being together was exhilarating.

At the end of the day, I arrived home exhausted but still had my own family to care for. As I cooked dinner, I looked at the timer. Ninety seconds before the pasta was ready. I raced to the bathroom and returned before the buzz went off. Seems simple, right? Except just hours earlier, I watched Sharon take a total of 25 minutes to walk to and from her bathroom. I drained my pasta, crying. Everything I did that night, no matter how simple, was something Sharon could no longer do. Her life was now full of dependency… my greatest personal fear.

Although I lived almost an hour away, over the coming months, I helped care for her whenever possible, always spreading a constant stream of laughter through her house… my forte. Each time I’d arrive, I’d see a steady decline – the wheelchair being used more often, and then her hands betraying her. I cut her food and fed her. But the task I remember most was taking her to the bathroom. Allow me to digress: When Sharon and I were in the 3^rd grade, we went to her family’s lake house. We were changing into our swimsuits, when she asked me to turn around. I wanted to laugh. We were so young, and as insecure as I was, I was never shy about my body. Besides, I was all of eight. What was there to hide? But that was Sharon: Conservative, modest and stubborn to the core. You simply didn’t deny Sharon a request, even back then. So, here I now was, helping her with the most personal bodily function, yet trying to allow her dignity.

As I wrapped my arms around her, lifting her almost lifeless body from the wheelchair, we looked like a couple slow dancing. I held on with one hand and slid her pants down with the other. She started to giggle and whispered, “Jeanne, come on… at least you could romance me a bit first.” We laughed so hard I almost dropped her. She’s lucky I’m a mule.

That moment got me thinking, who would wipe my ass if I couldn’t? Have you ever pondered the notion of not being able to do the simplest of tasks? I now look at my friends and family wondering which one of them, if any, would be humble enough to serve me. Sharon always said, “Who ever thought when we played Barbies, I would need you this way?” Who ever thought, indeed.

I was usually alone with her, but as time went on, the family required more caregivers, not just for Sharon, but also for her children. Sharon’s posse of supporters, live-in au pairs, nurses, and her neighbors would flutter in and out. I no longer spent hours cleaning her house, as she had people for that. My time with her became a luxury of laughter and remembrance.

My job now was to bring Sharon any friend from the past she wanted to see. Her first request was Julie, a woman neither of us had seen in almost 30 years. I found and delivered the self-proclaimed crazy artist. Upon pulling up to the curb, Julie handed me a small bottle of vodka, cracked hers open and downed it for anesthetic. She didn’t yet know there was no need to be numb to see Sharon. We entered to meet Anne-Marie and Joanne, Sharon’s neighbors. I’ll have to save the entire, fantastic Julie story for a longer installment, but suffice it to say, when Joanne left, she pulled Anne-Marie aside and said, “Don’t you dare leave her alone with them… I’m sure she has a bong in her purse!” Anne-Marie warmed up to us though, and by the end, we had her laughing in hysterics and looking forward to my next visit, and to whomever I brought through the door.

Most people assumed visiting Sharon was depressing, but I only cried once. Just once. I had called another childhood friend, Paul, who lived four hours away and put him on speaker, allowing me to translate her facial expressions as the ALS had taken her voice. When I hung up, I expressed how much he loves her and hopes he can get here “before it’s too late.” It’s the only time I ever acknowledged someday we’d be without her. Neither of us could hold our tears back. However, I betrayed her that day by permitting reality to seep into our cocoon of love. I never let it happen again.

Despite not being able to talk, Sharon was a marvel with her ability to communicate. She had this chart to spell things out with… we referred to it as the “damned alphabet.” Between her alphabet and her intensely expressive eyes, she could “talk” for hours, and truly LIVED. She was still Sharon, just trapped in a body that failed her.

Stubborn. Forever stubborn, she asked for what she wanted. She spelled out “R. I. N. G.” every time I was there. It meant one thing: MY ring. She wanted it on her finger. So, I would dutifully take it off and place it on her hand. Each time, she’d hope I’d forget it, but I wouldn’t. I’d slip it off, joking she can’t keep it. But each visit, I would place it on her finger, until one day, I left it there. This ring is one I had worn daily which literally feels like a hug on your finger. I placed it on her hand and leaned in, “When you feel this, know I’m here with you.” I knew the next time I wore that ring, Sharon would be dead. I touched my finger for days, feeling the nakedness, but hoping she was feeling my love.

Always waiting for word of Sharon’s health, I slipped back into my life with my own family. While at the lake, I got an email on my cell: “It’s bad. She’s scared.” My teen daughter saw me crying… not something I do publicly… grabbed my hand and cried too. I went to Sharon immediately. When I arrived, her four crazy, nurturing, beautiful friends I heard so much about were all there. Never having been in the room at the same time, we immediately embraced, tears flowing… but not in front of Sharon. Never in front of Sharon.

Then something magical happened. The five of us sat with our unresponsive Sharon, telling stories, talking to her, laughing, and reminiscing about each of our roles in her too-short life. We took turns wearing my ring, finally placing it back on Sharon’s hand. Full of emotion, one of the girls declared, “We need to make a toast" and ran to her neighboring house to retrieve wine.

These incredible women turned a death vigil into a celebration. Sharon's brother, parents and husband came in. We toasted her. Toasted her life, her love. Toasted mothers and friends. We laughed, took pictures and lingered for hours. Finally, we laid our hands on Sharon's, with my ring prominent, and took a picture. We kissed her and said our goodbyes. Anne-Marie sang a song in Sharon's ear from Wicked:

"I've heard it said, that people come into our lives, for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are led, to those who help us most to grow, if we let them. And we help them in return. Well I don't know if I've been changed for the better, but...because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

It was the most beautiful night. A celebration of life. Sharon died five days later.

The story of Sharon isn’t the story of a woman who tragically died young, but rather one of unique and rare friendships. She brought five women together who were strangers. She made us one. She united us in a way that changed our lives. I sit here typing, watching my fingers fly across the keys and seeing the ring all of us had on our fingers at one point, if only for the symbolic gesture of feeling closer to Sharon. Because we loved her, we now love each other.

Since her death, so many people have said, “Jeanne, you’re such a great friend.” They’re missing the point. Sharon was the great friend. When she would relentlessly thank me, I would jokingly drop to my knees, bow and say, “It is an honor to serve you.” Giggling, she knew in her heart, I meant every word. It’s not that this group of woman who served Sharon were special, myself included. It’s that Sharon herself had the ability to attract selfless, humble people to her world. It speaks volumes of her character.

Think about your friends. Think about the people you follow on social networking sites. Think about those who have passed through your life. Would you wipe their ass? Do you think they would wipe yours? And more importantly, what kind of people do you attract? Selfish or selfless? What is the purpose of your connections with people? Is it for personal gain or for love? If you can answer those questions, you might learn a lot about yourself… just saying.

Sharon’s story is one of my works in progress.

Twitter Screenwriting Chat

Writers have #writechat, now screenwriters have #scriptchat, Sundays at 8pm EST(5pm PST).

Born via @yeah_write, @zacsanford, @KageyNYC and myself (@jeannevb), our goal is to bring seasoned and aspiring screenwriters together to learn, grow, and nurture our craft… and each other.

At the designated time, simply search the hashtag #scriptchat and jump in. NOTE: Make sure you add that hashtag to your tweet or other followers won’t see your comments.

We’ll post a different topic each chat. If you have suggestions or requests for topics, please @ me on Twitter or leave a comment below.

Let’s join together and learn. Feel free to BYOB, after all, it’s a party.

“We aren’t competitors, we’re a community.”

UPDATE: If #scriptchat becomes a trending topic, @zacsanford will give one lucky participant a full development session for FREE! Tweet & WIN!

Follow Friday List Deserving of a Pimp

I’ve chosen to recommend people in this format, because I need more than 140 characters to tell you why you might be interested in following them. When tweeters simply list a bunch of names with a #FF next to them, it never makes me click on someone. I tend to only take people’s recommendations if I have some basic information why they’d be interesting.

I’m separating them into categories to save you all time. Scroll down to the title that appeals to you and ignore the rest. I’m all about efficiency. Each week, I will keep the new entries at the top, then the following week, I’ll add them to the already existing list and put new ones on the top again. Rinse and repeat. That’s the plan anyway... I might just keep adding them to the top since this is a major investment of time.

Here we go… please don’t quit on me before you read them all. These people really are deserving of my pimping….

APRIL 13, 2010

Writers:

@slushpilehero a fantastic friend and writer who is one of my rocks on Twitter.  She's lovely, funny, intelligent and forgiving of my many pimp fails... like not putting her on this list MUCH earlier!   I love this girl... like a sister.  Check out this talented writer's blog: http://slushpilehero.wordpress.com/ 
 

#FF POST ORIGINALS

Random:

I say “random” in the nicest of terms. I don’t know how to categorize them because the lines blur as to the specific reasons I follow them. They’re engrained in my tweet stream.

@booksbelow I can’t possibly say enough about Roger. He is by far the greatest inspiration and source of support I have met on Twitter. What I love about him is his intelligence, skill at spreading resource knowledge, and great sense of humor. He’s everything a tweeter could want, wrapped in one avatar. Oh, and he has a tiny horse named SMOKY. Who can beat that? Click here to see Smoky in action: http://www.twitvid.com/346AC

@CTK1 She’s right up there with Roger. They’re a team in my eyes. She’s the amigo who makes us miss her when she’s off Twitter. Unpredictable, hysterical, smart, unique, GROOVY, with an enormous heart. Watching her unfiltered tweet stream brings me joy. She’s real and has FIREBALLS.  Her blog is http://ctkingston.com/  Guaranteed to light your fire!

@DannyBrown @PRCog @_djh are the selfless men of 12 for 12K . OK, so Danny is the “gentleman” of the bunch… well, so is @_djh (or at least so far)… so that leaves @PRCog as the nongentleman (said with great respect-hee). Take that how you want, but they are a great follow. Masked men who do good in this world. Batman’s got nothing on them. I should mention, PRCog has a great blog, albeit wordy, but very real. I love real.

You can’t follow @PRCog without following @stina6001 @hdueitt @tjdietderich. They can do major PR and mix up cocktails at the same time *bow*

@smashadv has the honesty and character I deeply respect. He is at the top of my “people I will forever follow” list. His blog is always real (“real” is a recurring theme and requirement for me, as I’m sure you’ve noticed by now). I met Jim via a fellow tweeter sending me his blog link simply because she knew I’d appreciate his candor. I do. Greatly. Check it out yourself: http://bit.ly/10YqZ (also on my recommended list)

@CTK1 (see above), @mfeige @jenn85 and @Lynnster23. These are peeps I let my guard down with and throw caution to the wind. NOTHING is filtered here, so beware. I highly recommend following them all, or you’ll miss half the hilarity!

@foxyfox_ (those are zeros, not letters) has a fantasticly fun feed. Her tweets are raw, real, and abundant. @ambigfoot and I both agree, we could RT her all day. You should follow him too... but be prepared for real honesty and some naughty language : )

@Ask_Izzy writes a bi-weekly Thursday advice column on http://www.megsmumbo.blogspot.com/ She’s far better than any Dear Abby! I also happen to know, she likes tequila.

@nsedef was a surprise find to me. Her bio reads “entrepreneur, marketer and communicator; digital and news junkie; co-founder and managing partner of creative services boutique.” Initially, I wondered why she was following me, an insane, pimping writer, but once we started @’ing, it was love. She’s funny, highly intelligent, extremely generous, and one of my top peeps. Check out her site http://www.thehaloproject.com/

@bklynMF This guy is cool.  Flat out cool. His fun, dry wit cracks me up all day.  God bless the Nerf empire.

@glowmoment Jeanne has an every-changing avatar but one stable twitter voice.  I defy you not to fall in love with her.

@fjfonseca Fernando is a new find for me. I lost my Google Wave virginity to him…I’ll let you all absorb that for a moment (heehee).   He is gentle, patient, knowledgeable and full of more information than the Brittanica.  Great sense of humor too.  What more could you want?

@Go_RV_ing you don’t need to like RV’s to like these tweets.  Fun, infectious and spreading RT love… but don’t worry, not the Britney kind of love.  Another one of those “is it a guy or a chick” names, but really, who cares.  Go_RV_ing cracks me up, simply said.  Oh, and if you have a really great recipe, send it on over.

@Slickriptide claims he’s an opinionated bastard, but he’s a wonderfully amusing guy who can keep up the humor pace with the best of them.

@jlkoctober brightens my day, simply said.  She’s one of those friends you could turn to with your worst problem and not be judged.  Her love of Eastern philosophies is probably how we met.  Can’t remember.  Regardless, she’s in the feed of many of my friends and our group tweetups rock my world.

@mbreinholt has this Green Bay background but don’t hold that against him if you aren’t a football fan.  He’s no chunkhead.  He’s just a guy.  His name is Marco… to which I always want to tweet “Polo”… except I hate that game.   Fun guy.  I don’t have any idea what he does for a living, and I don’t care. Maybe he’s a dog groomer.  So, if you have a dirty dog, give him a tweet.

Pros who dish out great writing advice:

Since I’m a writer, it’s important to remember why I started tweeting in the first place… to learn. Here are my faves:

@JaneFriedman Publisher of Writer’s Digest fame. I religiously read her blog and RT her advice. If you follow one publisher, she should be it. She’s also approachable and very generous. I’ve suggested writers to her, and she actually followed them! Very humble… and she loves bourbon. Definitely my kind of gal.

@RachelleGardner is a literary agent who focuses on the Christian marketplace. Her blog provides essential information for all writers, not just Christian writers, so please don’t discount her if you’re an atheist! If you’re serious about writing, she’s the agent to follow. No bull. She calls it like it is. Love that.


@ColleenLindsay Perhaps I should let her bio speak for itself: Publishing browncoat. Digital proselytizer.  Literary agent.  Queer human.  Pop culture junkie.  People connector. Sartorial tragedy.  Cat herder.  Professional nerd.  However, I will add she's one sarcastic, truth-speaking agent.  My favorite kind.  Don't you dare send a query before reading her blog! 

Screenwriters:

@scriptchat is the official tweep for #scriptchat that I update as much as possible to inform all screenwriters of the latest and greatest 


@MJ_ Slide Mahongoney may be young in years, but she’s a rich, old soul.  We had many discussions about the adaptation I’m doing, and she will absolutely be one of my trusted readers.  Not only do I enjoy her perspectives, I enjoy her humor and sweetness.  She is indeed my favorite newest find.  Delighted she’s on my feed. Watch her video on her blog to learn more about her. She's one to keep an eye on!  http://juntoinkfilms.blogspot.com/ 

@eyamie Jeff is on fun screenwriter and always happy to share.  He’s such a great #scriptchat participant that he even put “#scriptchat” in his bio!  Gotta dig that kinda love!

@pattyfantastia is the Director of Marketing of Nevada Film Alliance in Las Vegas.  She writes, she produces, and she shanks.  Yes, she shanks.  So watch out ;)  Check out her Filmmaker’s Notebook blog: http://www.filmmakersnotebook.com/  Oh, and she loves hockey.

@JasonDalBianco  quick-witted screenwriter who keeps you laughing… and sometimes make your jaw drop.  Warning: Jason's views aren't always popular, but I love a person who speaks their mind, throwing public opinion aside.


@KageyNYC I've had the pleasure of meeting Kim in person.  Formerly in the publishing business, she's now a screenwriting student at The New School.  As a treefort team member of #scriptchat, she's invaluable to me.  Gives great advice and always keeps it real.  If you're a filmmaker in NYC, give her an @.  She'd love to stalk your set and learn.  Check out her new blog: http://www.kgarland.com/ 

@dawnbierschwal is the very first writing partner I had. In 2005, I set out to write a novel, and Dawn sidetracked me into screenwriting. I haven’t forgotten about the novel, but we wrote two scripts together, and have known each other for more years than we dare mention. She helped give me the confidence to share my words with the world. 

@UnCompletedWork is an amazing networker in and out of the NYC area. If you have a hankering for singing, he does Screenwriter Karaoke! Very talented young man, wise beyond his years. Watch out of him. He’s one that’ll make it. If you follow him, you need to follow @covermyscript too. They’re collaborating.


@covermyscript is a professional script reader who doesn’t give sugar-coated feedback like your mama.  If you want to hear it real, toss your script her way… pronto.  Besides being a pro, she’s one fun, tequila-lovin’, not-bashful tweeter.  Check out her site: http://www.covermyscript.com/

@DreamsGrafter just finished her first speed-pitching event. Talented, passionate, and dedicated to her craft, she blogs, networks, and supports her fellow writer. She’s a delicious Twitter find.  She's also the EURO #scriptchat moderator. She is my ROCK on the other side of the pond. Her blog: http://screenwriterjourney.blogspot.com/ 

@yeah_write not only writes screenplays, but writes mystery/suspense novels, owns a restaurant and horses. She’s published in non-fiction (magazines and hiking book). Multi-tasker is her middle name. She’s an intelligent, fun, out-of-the-box friend. I am delighted we met! She makes a mean POM martini & glass beads too.

@ninehourfilms is a new follow for me, but her screenwriting skills got her to the top 100 at the CS Open contest. She’s one to watch…

@mhictire is a master web man, great writer (I know, I’ve read his work), and has a head-banging, teen son who wears really cool hats. I dig him.

@ttimetochitchat has a stream worthy of a PIMP. Just getting to know this tweeter, but definitely like the pimp style & networking love.

@karenquah amazes me. What more can I say? She’s an incredibly talented screenwriter who tackled Nano this year with vigor, posting her almost-daily updates on the self-inflicted writing hell she was in. One of THE most talented writers I have met on Twitter. You have to see her blog: http://moderndaystoryteller.com/ To be honest, I started following her because of her Godfather background ha :)  Karen is so wonderful, she’s also listed under “novels & writers alike” on this post below.

@purelycarrie blogs and shares her knowledge on #scriptchat. Very supportive, wonderful tweeter. http://purelycarrie.wordpress.com/

@jeffige is a screenwriter who helps others. Check out his blog for great tips on writing, especially if you’re new at it. A great find. http://learningscreenplay.blogspot.com/

@labtoad bio says “playwright” but he’s in the screenwriting category anyway. Leslie follows writers and screenwriters alike. @ her … that’s a pimp order.

@JoannaDangelo always up for some fun on #scriptchat or beyond. A joy. Need I say more?

@davidspies amazing pimp of #scriptchat and others. Love his support and spread of knowledge.

@JLichtenberg is a longtime Science Fiction writer and screenwriter who lends wonderful support to up-and-coming writers.  I bow to her for joining us at #scriptchat. 

@rachlanger is my tech goddess screenwriter and creator of our scriptchat blog www.scriptchat.blogspot.com  She patiently suffers through my tech fail moments and cries for help.  Love having a writer on my feed with so many talents.  Rachel and I started SMwriters.com together, a support site for writers who are navigating social media sites.  Check us out and follow @SMwriters on Twitter too! 

@SKCOMEDY has wowed #scriptchat with his time, knowledge and generosity.  It’s a joy to have him in the mix.  We’re all better informed because he’s a part of our lives.  Follow him and learn.

@LifesizeLD I met her through @zacsanford. I admit, when I first saw her Twitter name, I thought, “why is she posting her bra size?” but alas, she isn’t.  She’s simply a wonderful comedy writer who adds a bright light to our #scriptchat nights. 

@2degreesofalie Alie is one of my dearest friends in real life.  She’s truly a gem – funny, brilliant and a humble heart.  Currently working on The Conan O’Brien Show, I’m confident Alie is one writer to watch.  She’ll take over the comedy world in no time.  Here she is in one of Conan’s skits: http://bit.ly/5rywsk She also has a very funny blog: http://twoblondeswalkintoablog.wordpress.com/

@kingisafink King and Keck are my treasured pimp angel assistants.  Dynamic duo filmmaking and screenwriting team, they will inform and delight…and bring you coffee http://kingisafink.com/

@moviequill is a fun-loving screenwriter who makes me giggle as well as confessions his fetishes to me.  Follow to find out just what those are…. http://moviequill.blogspot.com/

@huerhodes wrote and directed his first feature film, Saint John of Las Vegas, starring Steve Buscemi… who I LOVE!  Here’s a link: http://www.huerhodes.com/hues-blog/saint-john-of-las-vegas.html  Can’t wait to see it!  Definitely keep your eye out for Hue’s blog too: www.huerhodes.com

@quicksilverwest not sure if it’s a guy or a chick, but really, who cares when the voice has such great wit?  Fun writer who keeps me on my toes. Dig that.

@DJordanKnight is one of my favorite writers.  Currently, writing a script with @zacsanford, this girl has humor in her bones.  If you ever wondered what it was like to write naked, you better read her blog: http://d-jordan-knight.blogspot.com/  She inspires me every single day.  Love her… and her writing.

@PeteofAllTrades Pete is a comedian, author, lover of sushi and expert on adding humor to weight loss.  His book, The UnAmerican UnDiet is hysterical: http://www.unamericanundiet.com/welcome.htm I should mention, I know Pete in real life… one of the men in this world I deeply respect.  @2degreesofalie is lucky to have found him!

@scripteach writer, teacher, filmmaker… so much to learn from Bill.  So when he speaks, listen up peeps. David Trottier of The Screenwriter’s Bible even pimps him… I’m in good company! http://www.scripteach.com/

@Timsn screenwriter from NYC and regular participant in #scriptchat.  Always spreading knowledge and fun.

Various film folk:

I follow so many film industry people, but here’s a few I really enjoy. Please don’t be dissuaded because I haven’t elaborated on the reasons why you should follow them. Just show some blind trust, and remember, I don’t pimp crap:

@CORKY242 @filmutopia @EitherOrFilms @mjodirector @iscamedia @Dr0id @robertcarroll and @GoldenAgeofGeek

@zacsanford gets a mention of his own, because I’ve met him in person, long before I started tweeting. Yes, I have pitched to him. Very generous, fun, and humorous, person. One of the good guys out there in La La Land.  He's also the First Dude of our #scriptchat #treefort team.  We pimpettes would be lost without him.  

@filmuptopia I listed Clive on my original post, but I know him better now, hence wanted to expand. His blog http://filmutopia.typepad.com/film_utopia/ has a smorgasbord of filmmaking knowledge. He shares his learnings, his projects and his writing adventures. Currently, he’s adapting his script, SMOKE, into a novel and taking us on his journey of delight. I’m proud of him, humbled to know him, and delighted to recommend him to all.

@johnrackham is a talented actor, writer, filmmaker, and runner. If you’re looking for a renaissance man who is humble and generous, look no more.

@theodorefisher is a documentary filmmaker and photographer who blogs. His pictures are beautiful. Check them out: http://newyorkportraits.blogspot.com/

@indiemoviemaker David is a filmmaker and actor who lends his support with or without a kilt (yes, he’s Scottish). He’s distributing his feature film MISSION X http://www.missionx.co.uk/ #stockingstufferpimpout

@FilmLadd tweets informative and funny. Check out his blog: http://laddehlingerjr.com/ 

@cybeam1 Indy filmmaker who tweets to keep us connected and learning. Check him out.

@JBMovies  sweet, knowledgeable, hardworking filmmaker who is always there with a smile of support.

@tylerweaver is one fine man with many talents, not only as a filmmaker but also in the nonprofit world.  If you have a film project, he’s your man.  Give him a call http://tyler-weaver.com/Welcome.html

@grking is a NY-based filmmaker with a great blog.  He spreads tweet love via his own #FF post. Check out who he loves  http://grking.com/blog/

@joshuascriptmag @joshuastecker Yes, Joshua goes by two names…don’t we all have Sybil inside us (twitch, twitch)?  West Coast Editor of Script Magazine, Joshua if full of knowledge, but don’t worry, he’s no boring journalist.  He’ll spew fun in your feed under both personalities. 

@Philontilt organizer of EgoFest Short Film Festival.  Don’t forget to watch the very fun short he directed, Honest Work http://www.creativejinx.com/Creative_Jinx/Honest_Work.html


@stoner 43 Grant is a producer who graciously listened to a pitch @dawnbierschwal and I presented at Expo a few years back.  Fun, helpful and a Chicago-lover.  Oh... and he went to Sundance #jealous


@Joelsk_ Joel just became a finalist in Tropfest 2010 for his film FREQUENCY!!!  Not only is Joel a talented filmmaker, he's a great artist... and has that twisted sense of humor I love.  I'm trying to help Joel find a short to direct next, so @ me if you have one.  Let's share our talents and rule the world - mwhahaha 

@wackeychan By now, most of you know, I'm not reading anyone's f*cking script until I get my own written.  So one day, I get a DM from @wackeychan asking me to check out his student film project.  Yes, I sighed.  Then I clicked .... because I am a pimp, after all.  Wow.  WOW!  Mat is a 19-yr-old filmmaker who kicks it across the room.  I'd bet my last fedora that he is one of the few who will make it.  He will make it, and he will make it BIG.  BUT, he needs our help raising $10,000 to make his film. This pimp puts her money where her mouth is.  I donated. Now its your turn #PIMPorders 

@Trigonis a poet, filmmaker and pimp of his film CERISE.  Check out his link, GIVE and support his dedication and talent: http://www.indiegogo.com/cerise FYI, this pimp put her money where her mouth is and donated.  I don't donate to just anything.  Watch his clip and you'll be impressed too.  He might even send you a personalized FB poem if you do ;) 

@robertamunroe rocks the house!  I contacted her, very last minute, about appearing for our short film scriptchat, and this generous woman dug right in. She fielded tons of questions effortlessly and drank at least three martinis while doing it.  Now that is talent!  Her expertise in short filmmaking surpasses all.  If you’re making a short, you need her.  Plain and simple.  Check out her site, her book, her lectures, and her consulting services here: http://www.robertamunroe.com/home.html

@allegrahuston There is no single category Allegra fits into, as she is an author, screenwriter and filmmaker all wrapped into one.  My writing partner, Doug Blackmon, introduced us, and I’m happily holding her hand and guiding her through her Twitter ride.  To say I’m delighted to have met her is by far, a pimp understatement.  She’s clever, hysterically funny, and a great talent.  Check out her site for info on her book, Love Child, her short film project GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKI, as well as articles she’s written for wowowow.com. Allegra’s site: http://www.allegrahuston.com/

Comic book writer:

@pulptone is a very talented graphic designer and comic book writer.  I’ve had the pleasure of peeking at his work.  Love it!  We’re bringing him over to the dark side… screenwriting.  Also, if you’re into history and war films, he’s your man.  Check out his site: http://www.pulptone.com/

Novelists and bloggers alike:

I found most of these writers doing #writechat on Sunday afternoons.

@CheekyWench, @lights_aurora, @amiestuart, and @yeah_write tweet everything from preferred liquor to serious writing information. They are unpredictable, but that’s why I love about having them in my tweet stream. If I’m down, they lift me up… every time. They are my vodka-drinking, cow-tipping comrades (*note: @yeah_write is also a screenwriter, see above and @amiestuart paints free-hand camo on her kids’ walls

@gothhicgoddess @AssassinGrl deserve a follow not only for their tweets but also because they thought of these cool names before I did *hangs head in shame*

@aspiringmama has a blog I visit often. She’s currently running an essay contest on it. She is “aspiring” but also inspiring.

@PiaVeleno has a great Crank blog, writes often, and even wants to learn Italian. She speaks her mind… my favorite kind of person.

@RandomOenophile writes fiction and is our wine expert. I’ve learned much from her about the grapes. I look forward to watching her writing career soar.

@karenquah has a FANTASTIC blog! She is by far one of the best writers I have run across in Twitterland. Her words move me every time, plus she has a sense of humor unmatched. There are many layers to this woman, so enjoy!  She's also in the screenwriter section above... I love her so much, I listed her twice.

@TomYHowe – my poet. When I want to unwind, I grab a glass of wine and read his stream. Beautiful.

@mindofbryan has many talents. He helps @aspiringmama with her web issues, he writes, he offers fantastic advice and encouragement to everyone on #writechat, and he’s just an interesting guy. I respect him and his words.

@tenderprey I admit, I started following her because her avatar was beautiful. She was one of the very first writers I met on #writechat. I really can’t remember exactly how we started chatting, but no matter. I enjoy her words, her advice to others, and her dedication to her craft.

@jhtatroe is also an early #writechat find. Again, it was not only the beautiful, thought-provoking avatar, but her voice that made me @ her. I often watch her stream and wish for such discipline. She'd dedicated and fiercely supportive of her fellow writers. I don't often @ her, but she inspires me from afar.

@Natashahollerup is a writer, student and beautiful human being. Follow her and treat her well… or you’ll have to answer to me #protectivetweetermom

@TrishMcCallan is a suspense and romance novelist, crazy pet owner and very supportive of all her writer followers.

@thrillerchick is the one and only Bestselling author, J.T. Ellison. I met her via my blog post on my friend who died of ALS. She @’d me, and we’ve been fast and furious friends since. Her generosity and support motivates me to keep writing… and reading. Her books are fantastic! http://www.jtellison.com/jt-ellison-front-page/ 

@Donna_Carrick and @Alex_Carrick A couple who tweets and writes together, stays together. Very fun follows with a vast amount of information to share both on #writechat and #scriptchat. I love that they crossed over to learn about screenwriters from screenwriters. It speaks volumes of their bravery : )

@AuntSuger and @JordanDrew must be followed together for the most laughs. Very fun. I’d like to think they’re drunk all the time, but alas, they are funny

@official92 is one supportive writer, daily recommending others to follow. Love it when a peep works hard to connect others. Generosity is attractive.

@PennyAsh is possibly one of the writers I respect most. She not only writes with discipline, but she also generously shares her learning with others and lends support. What I love most about her though is how fearlessly she is making the leap into screenwriting. See her genius on #writechat on #scripchat. One. Humble. Talented. Human.

@Georgia_McBride is the moderator of #YAlitchat on Wednesday nights, 9pm EST. Very wise, generous, informative writer who tweets fun too. I guarantee you will learn… and laugh.

@jorence Jose warms my soul.  Not only is he a writer and photographer, he’s also a generous, supportive chap who eats cake with the glee of a kid.

@jdistraction wonderfully supportive writer who claims to be shy, but don’t believe her.  She’s always there when you need a hand.

@jmartinlibrary the girl buried behind that stack of books is worth digging through for.  Always quick-witted and entertaining.  Love her… and she’s a Beatle’s fan.

@MonicaEmme is a wonderfully supportive writer who participates in the writer chats and even pops into scriptchat on Sundays (see how I weave in scriptchat pimps heehee).  Don’t you dare complain about how cold it is… this chick lives in Alaska where its colder than witches tit…or at least that’s what her blog says: http://analaskangirl.blogspot.com/  

@LukeRomyn is my dark-hearted, bitter fave (along with @ambigfoot) who tweets raw and is a great self-pimper.  He pimps so well, I even bought his horror thriller, Dark Path, and I have never read a horror book in my life.  Check him out, but you might need Twiagra to keep up  http://www.lukeromyn.host56.com/

@ceebee308 you can’t follow @LukeRomyn without following his fellow ball buster @ceebee308.  Great humor and wit spew from these two.  Plus I like to imagine his sarcasm with a great French accent.  Check out Claude’s site and books  http://bigceebee.webs.com/

@dlschubert YA and Women’s Fiction writer, Debra adds humor and chocolate love to my feed.  Always supportive, you’ll be thrilled to have found her… as am I.

@loripop326 sarcastic, fun, quick-witted.  Her blog is fantastic! Writes naked. http://shesawake.blogspot.com/

@betawolfkid Marie is new to Twitter and the wife of a dear friend.  A talented writer living in Milan and writing her first novel, she needs our support.  Jump on her feed and her brilliance will shine.

Multi-hyphenates:

@iscamedia  is an international group of filmmakers, photographers, writers and journalists who are on their way to media world domination! Check out their creations: @iwalkiwrite, @makingmemag, and @filmandfly Trust me, they are a giant step ahead of the industry… follow and be marveled by the talent and forward thinking. 

@multihyphenate blogazine is the brainchild of @tylerweaver and his incredible talent.  The site is packed with articles by filmmakers, writers, comic book creators, photographers, musicians, marketers and all who are creatively forging into the world that is media insanity.  Fantastic site. Check it out: http://multihyphenate.blogspot.com/2010/01/all-new-all-different-all-hyphenated.html

Tech:

Recently I had some tech issues, and these peeps came to my rescue:

@jfinley knows tech, films, and music. We had a DJ-off one... ok, maybe more than one... night that had me dancing around my office.

@artqwu I have known for 20 years…did you hear that, Art? 20 YEARS! He has given me tech support and more emotional support than I could possibly say. We have laughed together, and he’s held me while I cried. I went to see When Harry Met Sally with him. I’ll never forget it. He is one of my dearest friends. Oh, at one of the Halloween parties we went to, he was dressed as a dog and I was his fire hydrant. Need I say more.

@cmhoughton has amazing tech knowledge but also reviews Smallville http://www.kryptonsite.com/triplet.htm Very supportive find.

Poets:

@ChainOfWords, @ruinedXfinery and @acrichards (who writes & rocks out in her music tweets) need to be followed together. I love their voices. What they do in 140 will amaze you. Beautiful.

@SpeaksBeliefs I. Love. Him. Sometimes I simply watch his feed go by and shake my head in amazement. His #sixwordstories skill marvels. A man who is strong, humble, proud, and full of love for his little girl. My respect for him is enormous. http://speaksbeliefs.com/

@WookiesGirl has no filter. I love that. She’s a smart, dirty poet girl who celebrates Boobie Wednesday with a weekly provocative avatar. Gotta dig a woman who puts herself out there. Her poetry is found on one of her many blogs. Check this one out: http://magicmagnifyingmind.blogspot.com/ Of course, an adult content warning. Would you expect anything less?

@ruinedXfinery, also known as @ruinedfinery. When I first met her, she warned me most unfollow her after a short while because she’s unfiltered. Upon hearing that, I knew I’d nev there’s er unfollow her. She’s a gem. Don’t let her unfiltered tweets fool you… she’s a very gifted writer. Follow, sit back and be amazed. I should mention, her stripper name is Babydollnipplepielambchopkittensugargirl. If you want your own stripper name, just ask, she’ll give you one.  She claims to not be a writer…I disagree… she’s a beautiful poet.