Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Confessions of a Twitter Pimp






I am proud to be a pimp. There. I admitted it.

I pimp the blogs of fellow writers I enjoy. Look to the right. Roger, @booksbelow, is my inspiration for blogging… see Thoughts and Observations. He's in great company, so read them all. You won't be sorry.

I pimp to help @CTK1 with her seriously-tortured-blog-creation nightmare (if anyone is a Wordpress genius, please @ her and lend a hand). She’s perhaps the most famous, groovy tweeter of all time. She’ll follow you forever if you fix her theme. Um, maybe she was drunk on seriousness when she said that, so don't quote me.

I pimp websites I find via other tweeters, whether it be informative or for charity. Some may assume Twitter is a time suck, but you’d be surprised how smart and generous we all are. Speaking of… PIMP ALERT: @dannybrown, @PRCog and anyone at @12for12K. Nuff said.

I pimp to share.

I pimp because I can wear velour.

I pimp @JaneFreidman, publisher of Writer’s Digest, because she provides incredible information for writers. OK, I admit, I also pimp her because she enjoys good bourbon, which is probably why she allows herself to follow this insane, tequila-drinking writer as well as my cow-tipping vodka girls (@amiestuart, @lights_aurora, @CheekyWench, @yeah_write). But I dig her for having a great sense of humor.

I pimp dogs who are in “cutest ever” contests for @kimberlekelly http://bit.ly/o3xYm Vote! VOTE!
I pimp literary agent, @RachelleGardner not only bc her dog and I both have torn ACLs, but also because she gives the most honest advice a writer needs to hear. She’s real… and sometimes she shares her tales of burgers with firefighters. Who wouldn’t want to hear that?

I pimp specific followers information I know they’re struggling to find. If I find it, I jump with glee and pimp.

I pimp to match tweeters to tweeters who I believe will enjoy each other… or at least use as their muse. I’m thinking of creating www.pimptweetermatch.com (DON’T click that link… I just did and I do NOT want to pimp THAT!)

I pimp the Baby F(Ph)at Essay Contest @aspiringmama is having on her site: http://aspiringmama.com/?page_id=485 . It’s a genius way to vent about getting your waistline back after the “joys” of childbirth.
I play “Whip It” while I pimp, singing, “Pimp it… pimp it GOOD!”

I pimp because I have an insane need to help people. Yes, I am in therapy. I even found a pimp support group. Snoop Dog was the last guest speaker, but Kayne kept interrupting. Trust me, Snoop's not a pimp you want to cross. It wasn't pretty. Kayne now has cool braces.




Because of my pimping skillage, I am qualified to pass along a #PIMPtipoftheday. Although, I don’t do this daily unless my tidbits are ROLO-worthy.
Speaking of, I pimp ROLOs & Smarties and sometimes throw FIREBALL barrages from my candy concession stand. As a matter of fact, @mfeige has even come up with a sales pitch for FIREBALLS: “GETTYA FIRE BALL BARRAGES 'EERRE GET THEM STRONG GOOD FIRE BALL BARRAGES THEY'RE GOOD AND HOT!” I am raising the next generation Twitter pimper.

If I could pimp Eliot Spitzer’s girl, I would. She might actually make me some good pimp money.
There is an art to pimping. Think long and hard about what you're willing to put your name behind.


Above all, I do not pimp crap.

I do not pimp people who are a negative energy force in either my twitter or real worlds.

I do not pimp with any expectation of getting anything back in return except a mere, “Thank you,” and even that, I don’t expect.

I do not pimp just for the sake of pimping.

I pimp because I’m good at it.

Simply put, I pimp because it brings me joy to help people. The only thing that would make me happier is if I had a pimp robe.

Aren’t we all really pimps in our own way? We do #followfriday, RT, and cheer our Twitter friends who succeed and those who are desperately trying to. I call it “pimping,” but you may call it “being nice.” Wow, imagine that… a NICE pimp.

If you have something worthy of my pimping skillage, please @ me on Twitter or better yet, do your own Pimp Post below, especially if you need more than 140 characters. That way, you can pimp away, and I can get back to writing my grim script. Yes, I write grim. Shocking, I know. You can be certain, I’ll pimp that later.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

When Your Writing Sanctuary Gets Infested

Trains. The rumble, romance, storytelling potential of a train ride is limitless. I could ride the train all day, just to write. Alas, today, I finally came to my creative halt.

As I write this, I am on the northbound Amtrak train from my business trip to NYC, nurturing the day job most of us writers have… but would rather pretend we don’t. Since the moment I got off the writing-retreat train two days ago, I’ve anticipated getting back on in the same manner school boys fantasize about drilling a hole in the wall of the girls’ locker room to peek. I never know what I’m going to find.

I crawl into a pair of seats and eagerly pull out my laptop, when not 10 minutes into the trip, I hear a passenger clinking on her keyboard. She sits directly behind me. So, I’m thinking, “Cool… this must be a fellow writer and lover of trains.” A teeny smile comes to my lips. Until, her keyboard barrage turns into slamming, coupled with the clinking of fake nails, and the two sounds merge in crescendo to what feels like nails on a chalkboard instead of a keyboard. People turn around, seeing me with my laptop, thinking I’M the one with the annoying fake fingertips disturbing their peaceful two-hour commute to sane, country living. I’m mortified. I have a MAC for God’s sake. I’m QUIET (did I just yell that?). This woman isn’t going to ruin my train mojo.

I can have discipline. I can focus. I’m good at focusing. Then… the sneezing begins. It’s her. The clickity-clack, fake-nail, keyboard-banging “writer” is now sneezing the Piggy Flu at the back of my head! Instead of being the disciplined, focused, mature woman I know I can be, I’m frantically digging through my purse for spray sanitizer. Uncapping the weapon, I immediately disinfect the back of my head, sacrificing all dignity and hair care don’ts, not to mention, spraying disinfectant a little too aggressively onto other people. Come on, they should be grateful I’m saving them too. No Pig Flu is taking me down… but this “writer” is trying to!

The noises emanating from her are impalpable. Sneezing, coughing, enormous Mr. Snuffaluffagus sniffling now overpower her aggressive typing… the kind of typing that is full of rage and angst. Normally, that emotion would make me curious, but now it makes me want to move to another car. But I can’t. The last time I moved to another car, I completely missed my stop and ended up 40 minutes from my station. I’m not attentive enough to travel in the wrong compartment. I’m stuck. I’m stuck with an angry, sick, swine who gives quiet, reflective writers a bad name.

She couldn’t possibly be a REAL writer. I eject her from our club. I decide she’s simply a medical transcriptionist who works for an arrogant doctor who pays her no respect at all, hence her anger. He speaks with a deep Indian accent, mispronouncing words while he yawns from exhaustion after his 20-hr open-heart surgery. She’s mad. I understand. I hated being a medical transcriptionist too.

OMG…. I just SNEEZED! I caught it! I HAVE THE PIGGY FLU!!!!!!! That miserable typist just killed me!

RRRRING… RRRING. Yep. You guessed it. The flu-infested transciptionist is now on her cell phone talking louder than Andrew Dice Clay at a whore house.

Write. Write. Write. Ignore this woman. Oh great, MORE sneezing and the trumpeting of Dumbo’s trunk being blown. I’m going down. I’m going way down. Maybe I should stop at the hospital for a shot.

Alas, the conductor just announced we’re 10 minutes from my stop. My final destination. The end of my 2-hr reprieve from the real world. Gone. Gone! Consumed by the illness and anger of a “writer”… yes a writer. She is indeed a real writer. I admit it…. and I bet she actually gets paid for it too. Envy. *SNEEZE* Grrrr.

Dare I say, perhaps only books should be allowed on trains, and writers should have to go back to a pen and paper.

Please tell me I’m not the only one whose writing sanctuary got sick. I’d love to hear your tales of sabotage.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Chasing the Writing Project of Your Dreams via the Pitch


Every screenwriter has that familiar dream of crafting a script that will change their life, and hopefully, have an emotional impact on an audience. Often the vision comes from your own creative, twisted, insecure head, but sometimes it’s a book you see on a shelf that grabs you and screams, “Adapt me!” If it’s the latter, the first challenge becomes getting the author to agree when, heaven forbid, you have no money to offer, or worse… you’re an unproduced writer. Quiver. Now that elusive book is no longer screaming, it’s taunting you, giggling, “Good luck, chump.”

Last year, my husband handed me an article from The Wall Street Journal, introducing Douglas A. Blackmon’s historical exposé, Slavery by Another Name: The Re-Enslavement of Black Americans from the Civil War to World War II. I immediately grabbed the paper, started researching Doug, read countless articles about him and by him, and bought the book. My passion intensified for the project. I could visualize the dramatization of this intensely grim and horrifying time in our nation’s history. SCHINDLER’S LIST meets ROOTS. I guarantee you, should you read this book, you will not only learn lessons untaught in your history class, but you will also never look at the racial divide in our country the same way again.

I spent six months thinking about the story, dreaming about it, wondering how I was going to make this happen, but I was going to adapt this book, and wasn’t going to take “no” for an answer. But, while time was ticking, the book made the New York Times Best Seller’s list. I had to act before Hollywood found him.

Easier said than done. I had one great obstacle – myself. The truth was, I had always let people say “no” to me. Hell, I made it easy for them. But, this time had to be different. I had such intense passion for this project. I knew I could win this man over, in part, because I knew how to pitch.

I was a pitching virgin as I entered my first Great American Pitchfest in 2007 - www.pitchfest.com . The hallway outside the ballroom was abuzz with new, eager talent. Everyone’s head swirling, not wanting to be writer roadkill, curled on the floor in a fetal position getting kicked by rejection after rejection. We stood in our lines, intellectual engines humming, waiting for the infamous cowbell to ring so we could spring toward a producer’s table, palms sweating, hearts pounding out of our chest, praying like hell our nerves didn’t show.

I was on this initial Pitchfest adventure with one of my writing partners, Dawn Bierschwal, pitching I DO... FOR NOW, a romantic comedy about a marriage counselor who promotes a theory that marriages should be renewable every 10 years instead of for life. We signed up for a private pitch consultation with Michael Hauge. If I may digress and do a shameless plug, Michael is amazing… worth every second of our time reworking our pitch until the wee hours of the morning. With our new, improved pitch in hand, we headed to the tables, and right out of the gate, landed a script request. Then a continued flurry of requests came, which led to the one emotion a writer craves but fears they’ll never obtain… validation. I will never forget that experience for as long as I live.

The beauty of Pitchfest isn’t just the weekend of networking; it’s what comes after. There’s something that happens to a writer once they’ve experienced mass-pitching. It forever changes you. Typically, the newbie writer locks herself up, writes a masterpiece, and sits in her home or office hoping someone will magically find her. The reality is, no one is going to find you. You have to make yourself be seen and heard. You have to earn that validation. The single greatest lesson I learned from Pitchfest – don’t take “no” for an answer. If one person rejects you, be polite and gracious, but then dust off, get back in that line, and wait for your next cowbell. It’s just like dating. Not everyone will be a good fit. You have to kiss a lot of frogs, and sometimes humiliate yourself, but once you find an organic connection, it’s magic.

Taking all my experiences in hand, I prepared myself to kiss the next frog: the author of Slavery by Another Name. Okay, maybe not literally kiss him, but I was certainly going to pitch my heart out. After six months of stalking from afar, I decided I had nothing to lose. I picked up the phone and called the great Douglas A. Blackmon, New York Time’s Best Seller, Atlanta Bureau Chief of The (almighty… gulp) Wall Street Journal and left him a voicemail. I will admit, I contemplated drinking a rather large gin martini while doing so, but thought it best to keep my wits about me. I then went on the book’s website www.slaverybyanothername.com and sent what I hoped was an engaging email. Guess what? He called me back! You can’t imagine my shock when I heard his voice. He graciously spent 30 minutes on the phone with me. My favorite part – he asked, “Should I know you… are you famous?” To which I responded, “Not yet, but I will be.” I flew to Atlanta the next week to meet him.

I would love to say that upon meeting my brilliant self, Mr. Blackmon jumped at the chance for me to adapt his book, but alas, I do not have the credentials of Paul Haggis, so it took four or five months to convince him. I distinctly remember hearing the words, “Why should I do this with an unproduced writer?” The words “unproduced writer” stung like a swarm of killer bees. It was my reality check. I had nothing to offer this man except my passion for his work. But in the end, it was exactly that passion that won out… that and extreme patience.

Doug did assert one condition, however: That we write it together. Between you and me, it was all I could do not to leap off my seat and yell, “COOL!” like a pathetic groupie. Instead, I harnessed my writer insecurities, and confidently stated, as if validation like this was an everyday occurrence, “That would be wonderful, Mr. Blackmon.” I couldn’t ignore the fact that while I may have more experience screenwriting, he has been a professional writer for decades. I recognized that to partner with a writer of his caliber was a dream come true. Pinch me. Okay, not so hard.

Together, Doug and I are finding a wonderfully dramatic story in his historical research. The challenge is to nurture the real-life characters, enabling them to resonate on the page as well as in our audience’s soul, all while exposing the horrors of the post Civil War era. We are both fully committed to honoring those black men and women who suffered abominably.

Lesson to learn: Pitch and you shall receive. Yes, I was in the right place at the right time, I knew how to ask for what I wanted, I recognized a great story when I came across it, and I had the patience to wait until the author felt comfortable with my talents before he would commit. Sometimes a pitch is five minutes; sometimes it’s five months.

Despite my undying efforts to gain this project, I am forever mindful that Doug has graciously allowed me the opportunity to be on this train with him. He took a huge risk placing his “baby” in the hands of an unproduced writer. For that, I am deeply humbled. Let’s hope I can take “unproduced” off my title in the near future.


Slavery by Another Name just won The 2009 Pulitzer Prize for General Nonfiction.

*note: this article originally posted on The Great American Pitchfest website*